


(I'll keep looking up) awaiting your return

by merthurxmalec



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Big Brother Peter Parker, Gen, Seriously guys this is all spoilers do not engage if you haven't watched it yet!!, Steve Rogers is (trying to be) a Good Bro, angst I need angst to try and mend my broken heart, do people even read the tags, endgame broke me and this is how I cope, idk how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 09:48:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18618142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merthurxmalec/pseuds/merthurxmalec
Summary: SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS: ENDGAME!!(summary in notes to avoid spoilers)





	(I'll keep looking up) awaiting your return

**Author's Note:**

> Peter doesn’t want to be here. 
> 
> He feels guilty with the thought, because he should want to be here, should want to pay respects to the man who slotted an empty piece in him to make him whole. But he doesn't know if he can. 
> 
> or alternatively: how Peter breaks after Tony Stark's death.

Peter doesn’t want to be here.

 

He feels guilty with the thought, because he should want to be here, should want to pay respects to the man who slotted an empty piece in him to make him whole. It isn’t that Peter wasn’t happy before he met Mr. Stark, because he was. He had great friends, he had an aunt who loved him, he had a roof over his head and food in his belly, and he had great powers – powers which truly let him do everything he ever wanted.

 

But something was always missing, though he wasn’t sure what. He always thought it was the absence of parents, and it made sense. He loved Aunt May and Uncle Ben with all his heart and knew no words in the world could express how much gratitude he felt for them. They had stepped up to be the parents he needed them to be, always trying their best to not let him feel the absence of parental figures in his life. They had succeeded, too, because the thought of not having parents was somewhere in the back of his mind, always. Distantly, he knew they were his Aunt and Uncle, and that distinction always stayed with him. It didn’t matter, though, because they were all he needed.

 

He felt the absence more strongly after Ben died.

 

That hole in his chest? It got bigger with every day that passed – he could feel the edges fraying, unravelling little parts of his sanity. He had made his peace with that, because he knew that it wasn’t an injury that his powers could take care of, or May could put a band-aid over and kiss better. It was a permanent scar, as permanent as the bullet wound that had become part of Ben.

 

But then, he had walked into the tiny seating area in the small apartment he shared with his Aunt and met Tony Stark for the first time.

 

Tony had felt right; in a way he hadn’t felt since Ben. He felt Tony’s presence everywhere, acutely aware that he was there. The desire to please him, to make him proud was a constant thought that echoed in Peter’s head. It isn’t that Peter hadn’t felt that before – he has always been a hard-worker, for both himself and Ben and May. But it was different with Tony, the urgency.

 

He preened under Tony’s praise; the smiles Tony shot at him every time he made a clever contribution in the lab. And Tony made a point of it, too, always making sure he let Peter know when he does a good job. Peter didn’t even realise when Tony became a lasting figure in his life, his mentor and guide. Peter Parker had always looked up to Iron Man, and he had always looked up to Tony Stark too, but they were two separate entities in Peter’s head. But now, he knew one fact:

 

Tony Stark is Iron Man, and Iron Man is Tony Stark.

 

It is that combination that Peter aspired to be.

 

So yes, it isn’t at all an overstatement to say that Tony Stark is perhaps one of the most important people in Peter’s life. Tony gave him a purpose, a motivation, a shoulder to lean on – but above everything else, Tony gave Peter a father. Peter doesn’t remember how that felt like. Tony meant everything to Peter, and that is exactly why he needs to be there.

 

And also, exactly why he can’t.

 

Ms. Potts ( _Mrs. Stark_ , he thinks – _she is Mrs. Stark. I was supposed to be a groomsman at their wedding_ ) comes out, her right hand delicately holding a wreath, and her left hand clasped tightly around Morgan’s.

 

_Morgan_ , Peter thinks, and he wants to break down a bit more right there. _Morgan, who is never going to see her father – their father – again._

Morgan looks around dazed, confused. There are so many people here, all people whose life Tony touched in some way. The Guardians are standing in the back corner, a solemn look crossed over their eyes. So is T’Challa, and Shuri and Okoye – all people who may not have known Tony well, but held the respect for the hero, the respect he deserves. He met a boy a bit earlier, a few years older than him (though they should be the same age, he thinks, if everything had not happened). He introduces himself as Harley, his face masked with a grief Peter is acutely aware of. He tells Peter about Iron Man, and a potato gun, and a mechanic with a heart of gold, and Peter smiles through his tears because _yeah. Yeah, that sounds like his Tony._

 

Happy and Rhodey are already out front, and Peter hangs back a little, right in front of where Mr. Rogers is standing with Mr. Barton’s family. Ms. Potts halts next to Peter, looking at him with a teary smile. “This isn’t your place, Peter,” she says. “You know where you need to stand.”

 

Peter nods, tears filling his eyes again.

 

Ms. Potts turns to face Captain Rogers. “You too, Steve,” she says, and the Captain – Steve – looks shell-shocked. “Are you sure?” he asks Pepper, his voice small. Pepper nods, “it is where he would want you to be.”

 

They walk up to the front together, Pepper and Morgan and Peter, Steve trailing close behind. He stands behind Morgan and Steve, watching as Pepper gently places the wreath on the gentle waters of the lake. They all stand there for several moments, watching as the water swallows Tony Stark’s heart whole.

 

Peter, Pepper and Steve are the last ones still standing by the shores of the lake, long after everyone has dissipated.

 

Pepper is the first to break their silent vigil. She lifts her head up, wiping away her tears and squaring her shoulders. She moves slightly, standing behind Peter to place her hands on his shoulders.

 

“We’re doing a reading of the will,” she says softly. “He wants – wanted –“her voice breaks, and she chokes back a sob. “He wanted you to be there, too.”

Peter doesn’t want to be there, doesn’t think he could stand to hear what he has to say. He nods nonetheless.

 

“I’ll catch up with you in a minute,” he says. His voice sounds broken and rough – he hasn’t talked much since it happened, only a few syllables here and there to assure everyone _he is fine, yes absolutely fine._

Pepper nods and walks away slowly.

 

Steve is still standing there, but he isn’t staring at the deep waters of the lake as he has been doing all this time. He looks at Peter instead, and Peter shifts uncomfortably under his gaze.

 

Finally, he smiles at him, a little strained and for the first time, Peter realises how old he is – how human. He always thought of him solely as Captain America – Captain America, who punched Nazis and saved the world from aliens on a biweekly basis. He looked up to Cap almost reverently, an unadulterated hero worship for a national icon. He forgot that the man under the cowl is just a man, though.

 

He comes up to Peter and places a comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

“I know I am the last person who should be offering this,” he says. His voice is hoarse too, as if he has been crying. “But I am here for you kid, no matter what. For whatever you need.”

 

Peter searches his face for a second. “Why?” he asks, confused. He is just a kid to him, after all.

 

Steve smiles a sad, broken smile.

 

“Because that is what he would want.”

 

Steve walks away then, leaving Peter alone to stare at the water, looking for his dead mentor’s heart – a heart that is nowhere to be seen.

 

\--

 

The reading of the will goes about as well as Peter expected.

 

Pepper and Morgan and Rhodey get most of the things, to no one’s surprise. So does Happy, and a personal upgraded lab in Jersey gets left for Harley.

 

Then, he mentions Peter.

 

“Pete,” he says, Tony’s hologram coming in standing right in front of him, as if he knew where Peter would be sitting. “Pete, kid, you are capable of so much. I tried my best to remind you of that every opportunity I got, but looking back, I don’t think I did it nearly enough. My father left me his legacy without much guidance – perhaps he thought he would get more time, or perhaps he simply didn’t think I would need it. I don’t know what went on inside the man’s head, but it took me an awfully long time to know that I didn’t have to follow in Howard Stark’s footsteps – that I could make my own legacy. I tried doing that, and I hope I left a good one, for both you and Morgan. Pete, I am leaving you Stark Industries and Iron Man. Pepper will be CEO for however long you need, but it is yours. I wish I could have been there to teach you the ropes, of seeing what legacy you create for yourself, but this is my end, kid. Whatever you do, I know you will make the world a better place.” Tony smiles, and the tears won’t stop flowing out of Peter’s eyes. “I love you, kid, and I am proud of you.”

 

Tony moved on to Morgan next, his eyes sad and soft, but Peter couldn’t listen anymore. He choked back a sob, running out of the room with urgency.

 

* * *

 

“Petey?” he heard a small voice say, and then a head of brown curls came and sat down next to him. Her eyes were bright with concern, and Peter could barely breathe. _There is so much of Tony in here._

“Petey?” she says again. “Are you okay?”

 

Her eyebrows are furrowed, in the exact way Tony’s always was when he was concerned.

 

“Yeah,” he says, trying his best to compose his voice, “yeah, Morgan. I’m fine.”

 

“Do you miss daddy?” she asks.

 

Peter almost starts crying again.

 

“Yeah, Morgan,” he says softly, “I miss your daddy very much. He is… very important to me.”

 

“I know, Petey,” she says, sounding wiser than a four year old should.

 

“You know,” Peter says, “your daddy used to call me Petey too.”

 

Morgan smiles, “I know,” she says again, “that’s why I call you that!” her voice has undertones of “duh!” in it, as if she is losing patience trying to explain this to Peter. A Stark through and through, Peter thinks.

 

“He used to talk about me?” he asks softly.

 

“Duh!” Morgan says, rolling her eyes in a perfect imitation of Tony. “You were my favourite bed time story. Daddy tells me stories all the time, about Iron Man and Captain ‘Merica and the ‘Vengers!” She drops her ‘A’s’, Peter realises, and knows in that moment that he will give up his life for this kid.

 

“But my favourite stories were about Spiderman,” she says.

 

“What did he say about Spiderman?” Peter asks, because he needs to know, because Tony kept him a part of his daughter’s life long after he was gone.

 

“He told me Spiderman is really brave and kind, but he’s also a nerd and he loves pop tarts like I do! But he said Spiderman wasn’t as cool as his Petey-pie, and that if his Petey was here then you would play with me however long I wanted to!” she looks at him with unveiled excitement in her eyes. “Daddy said you’re my big brother, but how come I haven’t seen you ever?” She looks almost angry.

 

“I had to go away for a while,” Peter says, “but your daddy, he saved me.”

 

“Because he is a superhero?” Morgan asks, wonder laced in her eyes.

 

“Yeah,” he says softly. “He is the bravest superhero ever.”

 

“Petey,” Morgan says again. “If you are my big brother, will you stay with me now that daddy is gone somewhere?”

 

Peter can’t stop the tears falling, then. “Yeah, baby,” he says, gently pushing her hair out of her eyes. “I will stay as long as you want me to.”

 

When Morgan gives him a blinding smile, Peter almost feels as if Tony is smiling at them, too.

**Author's Note:**

> here you have more nonsense rambling angsty things I came up with to try to deal with endgame (and fail miserably, every time).
> 
> title is from 'when you come back down' by Kinna Grannis, which I recommend everyone to listen to if you want to get smacked with iron dad feels.


End file.
